Soft

It’s a character I grew up listening to,
a silly face.

Funny how funnies always water
the night terrors down.

Oh, I’m not ashamed that I need them.

Don’t you dare tell me
what I need to be ashamed of.

Did you notice that?
Everyone telling each other
what shame to feel?

The world is a heavy sponge
filled with shame.

Someone wring us out.

We dream about former love
people, places, things,
love that almost was
then drown ourselves
with static versions of it.

Does anyone know anyone anymore?
Does anyone accept that the people
we love will inevitably change?

If I told you I was different
would believe me
or would you judge me by
my surroundings?

Please tell me there’s a few out there.
Are you out there
in the ethereal disconnect?

Create, just create,
that’s all I can think.
My concepts of children
are always half born.

I’m a chaotic machine,
but when you tear me open, you’ll find
fur, felt, lint, stove top stuffing.

I soak in the bath for hours
until I’m soft, soft.

Blueberries

The blueberries were on sale.
Hundreds of containers sat on a table
in the front of the store,
over-ripening,
simply wasting away.

I placed the abandoned fruit in my cart.

They’re best when left in the freezer,
less mush, more tart,
but I’m eager to try them.

My bird helps me, picking up her deflated
piece and setting it down into her dish.
She clicks her throat in approval.
Her beak looks like it’s been stained with ink.

The whole world is not in my hands;
it’s a pale blue dot I roll between my fingers.

 

Through the Roof

The tree outside my window
with its decaying crabapples,
jaundice yellow leaves, and
the garbage bag the roofers
left behind, claimed by the wind,
now streams from a branch.

A black cape without an owner,
it waves goodbye to summer
when there was a man in every
window. They wore shoes
made of thunder, and they
stormed us from all sides.

Drilling, hammering holes,
peeling pieces off our home.
The deconstruction, a slow,
agonizing exposure, took days.

I awoke to knocking, sideways
picture frames, couches covered
in debris rained from the skylights,
and man crashing through ceiling.

Tonight I walk with lightning

Lightning

My partner and I walk
in hazardous conditions;
a silent picture
before the thunder rolls in.

What I know about lightning:

The colors can be
green, blue,
abrasion red,
neon sign yellow,
pink as grapefruit,
bruises on flesh,
violet, cyan,
and flames.

Also,
no two bolts are ever
exactly the same color.

That negative charges
live in clouds
while we step
on positive landmines.

Oh, and lightning never
strikes the same place twice,
which everyone knows.

I want to know
if “lightning” is a verb.
Because “lightninging”
is slightly unsettling.

Most journalists say:
“there was thunder and lightning”
to avoid using the verb at all.

I hold my boyfriend’s hand,
as we speed up on uneven
sidewalks under slices
of sky carved by knife.

Rocks in pavement cracks —
They’re on standby,
raised like hairs.

Suddenly, I’m aware
of thunder in my chest.
Is it a first love flashback?
It’s been such a long time.

I laugh at such young girl
thoughts from a grown girl.

In my head I write this poem:

The first time I was in love,
 
I stood on a boy’s porch step
and waited for a kiss.
He had freckles
drip dropping
across his face.
I waited the whole night.
I didn’t lean or make my body
obvious as a sunflower
following sunshine,
 
or bowing to rain.
 
I just took a seat near him,
so close to his mouth
in my own mind.
 
And then it happened.
 
He smelled like metal
and trees all at once.
He kissed me slowly.
 
It felt like a naked swim.
 
The current was charged,
but failed to kill me.
 
I ran home in the rain.
My feet never slowed.
I could barely breathe
as I reached my door.
I slammed it behind me.
 
My heart was drenched.
 
I have forgotten how to pray,
but I wonder how many people
in the world right now
are asking for rain.

Or how many moms tell
their kids that thunder
and lightning are angels
bowling and striking pins,

or God is angry.

We round the next block.
A man and his shepherd
hustle across the street.

The sky lights up in sections
like different parts of a chorus.

The wind whines a warning
so we lengthen our strides.
My legs are short so I run
to keep up with my partner,
who has long swimmer legs.

By the time we reach home,
clouds have swallowed
the light rays,
shooting stars
bent like boomrangs.
Our love is a safe,
seasoned one.
I have to feel around
for a pulse,
but it’s there.
It comes in little waves.

I tell him I’d push him
out of the way
if a tree was struck.

I hope I would.

There’s a story behind
the cloud curtains.
It’s covered in veins,
flickering signals telling us

we’re alive until the clock strikes
in places where time ceases to exist.

We wait to feel the first drops
before the sudden downpour.

I want to smell the earth
beneath the concrete.

Linden

The sign says Greenspire Linden
It tells you the tree is hearty,
built to last in urban areas.

I’m as wild as a horse
in suburban ones.

We don’t belong here
in the middle
of impeccable lawns.

I crush the thought,
a mosquito that bit
through the protection
covering my arm.

I tell the thirsty
to please be quiet,
so I can surrender
to strength in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

Monarch

36794354_10217377976506330_22360463031402496_n.jpgA tug on the leash,
my dog veers left
back in line,
back in tune
with pop rocks
underneath her paws.

Insects swarm, gossip
about warm blood.
Eggs on leaves
ready to hatch
and talk the talk.

Have you heard
the blackbird
song? It’s a
distraction
from the way
things are
and were.

The other day,
I saw a message
of fear nailed
to a tall tree.

It said remember,
remember all the
terror, and the fall
of man is near.

Monarchs are
everywhere
this time of year.
Made of poison,
with colors
meant to scare.

How can such
fragile wings bear
heavy warnings?

 

Run

The lake you run around
is a man-made safe zone,
and you know it,

but the birds could give
a flying fuck.

Finches cling to reeds,
flicker their tail feathers,
calling yellow
to their mates
who are more or less
yellow than themselves.

Blackbirds mind their business,
and you mind yours,
paving your sweet escape
through trees and sweat.

Running is the combination
of calves and chords;
a cacophony of body
calling to atmosphere.

You huff harder to bridge
brief lapses of oxygen.
Your joints tight like bolts
loosen, and your muscles
slip into familiar ways.

Suddenly, everything fits,
everything flows.

This movement is warmer than
you remember, and the G-spot
on your brain begins to hum.

You find the smell of your work
intoxicating.

A gnat cloud circles overhead.
It consumes you, and one
flies into your tear duct
where it dies.

Night is the next cloud
to consume you.
You know the route
through the forest
by coolness and wet bark,
but you’ve never seen
it past dark.

It could be your secret,
you shiver.

Then all the little hairs
on your arm dance to the tune
of your run.

-3°

A warm winter
fades into cold
that steals the breath
of my breaks.
I fear the front end
of my life for a second
as I pump the pads
with the foot I wish
was in my mouth
where the words spill.
My close call is the sound
of something fragile falling
a flight of many years.
A muffling in my ears,
the whispered sayings,
are reserved for underwater
staredowns with you
when we test the weight
of each other’s silences.
A whiplash of wind
against my cheek
outside your city
apartment. The frozen
water bottles on the floor
of your car about to explode.
When you drink, I watch
the seams of your throat.
It’s so cold, and I love you.

This womb

The woman curled
up in a bath
remembers a woman
in bed
in a white room
of her own undoing;
a body tight as a fist;
a mind unraveling
like a scroll.

Maybe smallness
is our way
of making our way
back to our space.

The ultimate cradle.

My hands droop
in the water
like flowers
with bent necks.

“Choose the life
laid out in front
of you. Feel its
aliveness. Its
calm vibrations,”
calls the woman
in my bathroom.

I want to believe
that my body
is a field of
green energy
but my eyes,
catch a glimpse
of white room,
porcelain tub,
walls made of
chalky plaster.

My chest falls
as she asks me
to concentrate
on sincerity,
on what is
important to me.

I reach for
my yours truly,
my serious
what is love face.

Should I reach
for what’s to come?

My body floats,
and the room hums.
The heater turns
on and off
like raspy
breathing,
but breathing
in and out
nonetheless.

This womb
is filled with
warm water
returning me home.

Bath water

I take more baths than I ever did
even with a lack of rubber ducks,
practice breast strokes, homemade rain.

Now, when I breathe into porcelain skin
of a full tub, quiet currents take me.

This is the closest I come to clean slate.

To notice my two fleshy peaks rise
and fall, is to know my own body,

I listen to what’s submerged, to water
slipping down drains that belch
low croaks between lily pads of soap.

It’s a subtle sound of swallowing
a lost song, of dead poets whispering.

I’ve ignored poets for most of my life
because I couldn’t bear to face their sense,
but I sensed them, especially in old libraries.

Did you know if you press your ears to walls,
you can hear pipes clearing their throats?

The gurgle in my ears is intergalactic.

No one will ever find this place on a map,
and it’s a crying, hell, it’s a sobbing shame
because the fizzle of salt is good for your skins.

My toes look ancient under these dim lights,
and the curtain has a pattern of tight curls
that look like a doodle of a loose brain.
I could have drawn that, I start to think,
see, and there’s that pesky “I” again.

When does the self become so persistent?

What if when I go low, beneath the bath’s bowels,
I reach the highest heights I’ll ever know?

That’s enough indulgence for one day.

When I pull the stopper, a miniature tornado
surges between my legs, and time begins to drain.